Sta.sh
Darling:
Take me for a ride. Let me sit in your passenger seat, your partner in crime. Give me control of the radio, and let me find something we both can tolerate; or else something we both hate, and can laugh at, blasting it while we go. Let me be your navigator, getting us lost in the middle of nowhere. We can fight and yell and blame each other before we forgive and take it all as the grand adventure it's supposed to be. Let me get up to crazy shenanigans, making faces and distracting you. We'll be causing all sorts of trouble in the name of fun. And when it gets dark, let me sleep in the passenger seat, in my slumber entrusting you with my safety. Let me feed you food while you drive; holding your burger and soda while you keep your hands on the wheel and eyes on the roads ahead.
And when the ride is over dear heart, do to me as others have done. Push the pedal till we're going over a hundred kilometres an hour. Without warning push open that passenger side door, unbuckle my belt, and shove me out. Watch me in the rear view mirror as I roll and bounce on the rocky shoulder. Stop paying attention as I fade into the background, just another silhouette on the road of life.
Because, darling, I let you take me for a ride. I let you drive me out to the middle of nowhere, and dump me on the side of the road. I knew that you would leave me there: broken, battered and alone, limping all the way home again.
But darling, you have to admit: it was a hell of a ride.
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on a sidenote, i'm so sorry for randomly leaving so quickly in the midst of our conversation last night. i just really needed to be done with everything and go to bed. i'd be happy to chat with you again on it another time if you'd like. or you know that you're always welcome to shoot me a note and i'll respond
2)I couldn't name one, the imagery was detailed without being OVERLY detailed, keeping the little story short, but descriptive and great.
3)I wanted to say that you did a great job of taking my breath away as I sat on the plastic edge of my seat, I'm not sure exactly how you did it, but the emotion you conveyed, mixed with the imagry, made this great.
Secondly, I LOVED IT!
And thirdly, (here comes the bad part, I'm sorry) I really loved it! XD
Okay, seriously now.
As I began the story, I was like,"Aww, how cute!" Especially the part where the passenger was feeding the driver food. I thought that was a really nice touch.
Now, when I got to the middle part, I was taken aback and thought, "Whoa, whoa, what?! Noooo! Don't go flying out the car! It's going super fast and you'll get really hurt!"
I was stunned! It was going soooo well and cute and I thought how wonderfully fun and loving this couple was only to see the passenger tumble out! *sad face*
Then, in the last part, I was like, "Oh...OOOOHHHH!"
But the clincher for me, my absolute favoritist of favorite parts, was and is the last line...It was a hell of a ride!
When she said that, I fell in love with her! XD
That's one tough cookie and a woman who can appreciate the good with the bad.
By the way, did I mention that I loved this story?! lol!
Sorry about that. lol!
1) There's definitely strong emotions coming from this here piece of writing, the most prominent of which struck me as love, particularly in the first paragraph. After that it turns into a more... prophetic kind of piece, cynical, but accepting of the eventual fate. It gave me vibes of a rather... broken person, who's had some bad experiences with love. The ending sentence, though, makes me think that the person has gotten over those experiences, has realized that a part of love is the end of it, and has accepted love as painful but realizes that it's worth it anyway. That, for me, makes me feel as though this piece is very "carpe diem", appreciate what you have when you have it, in a very hopeful sort of way, even if that hope is tempered by foresight. I like it.
2) I didn't have any problems with the imagery, except for when you say "entrusting in my slumber my safety." I think I know what you're saying--that by sleeping the character is trusting the driver to protect her in sleep--but the phrasing just struck me as slightly confusing. It's not really a big issue though, and, as I mentioned, overall I definitely liked it.
3) This piece was, for me, emotionally moving. It really made me think about the doomed nature of love, but it managed to do that without depressing me and causing me to question if it's worth all the pain. I value that in a story, and I think you did a really nice job on this short piece overall. Thanks for writing!